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How could any man resist?

Yesterday I stumbled across the most alluring online dating profile I’ve seen yet, and I think I’m in love.

fake online dating picOrchid678679
The surprising orchid wishes to blossom from love
90-year-old woman
Powell, Ohio, United States
seeking men 35-75
within 100 miles of Powell, Ohio, United States
Relationships: Never Married
Have kids: No
Want kids: Definitely
Ethnicity: White / Caucasian
Body type: Slender
Height: 5’7″ (170cms)
Religion: Christian / Other
Smoke: No Way
Drink: Never
I the beautiful romantic girl I always try to follow education of the parents. On it at me it is a lot of principles. And it not to like many people. Probably on it I still one. But I am beautiful. It is clever, I cheerful. And I all heart trust in that that I will find second half. I adore romanticism. I like to prepare! I hardworking, and accurate. To me always it is a lot of attention, from men. But this attention only an inclination. And I very much would like to meet such person which loved not that that at me outside, but also still that that inside.
I wish to meet the strong and loving man! Which will love and appreciate! Should be the sympathising kind man, to support a difficult minute in all! To be present my half for all life!!! I would want that this person was the reliable husband and the father, raised and brought up our children, that children in the future could is proud of the father! The most important a thing in the person not its appearance, beauty and age, and his soul!!! Namely the soul speaks about that what person really in a life! If there will be such person I think that we can create a strong and friendly family!!!
fake online dating picAbout me
Hair: Black
Eyes: Brown
Sports and exercise: Cycling, Dancing, Skiing
Exercise habits: No Answer
Interests: Camping, Cooking, Gardening/Landscaping, Museums and art, Music and concerts
Education: High school
Occupation: Education / Teacher / Professor
Income: No Answer
Languages: English
Politics: Liberal
Sign: Libra
Pets I have: Dogs
Pets I like: Cats, Fish, Horses
About my date
Hair: No Answer
Eyes: No Answer
Height: 3’0″ (91cms) to 8’11” (272cms)
Body type: No Answer
Languages: English
Ethnicity: No Answer
Faith: No Answer
Education: No Answer
Job: No Answer
Income: No Answer
Smoke: No Answer
Drink: No Answer
Relationships: No Answer
Have kids: No Answer
Want kids: No Answer

I could be a 71 year old fry cook making minimum wage, bald, with one eye, weighing 350 pounds, a high school dropout with 5 failed marriages and 8 kids … but as long as I’m over 3 feet tall and speak English I have a shot. If she looks this good at 90, imagine the improvements she can bring to the ol’ family gene pool.
I’d better e-mail this princess before she’s swept off her feet by Keith Stone.

Hold my Stones.