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Betty Sutton, Underpants Gnome (Updated)

Great news! President Obama wants another $50 billion bailout, this one for public sector unions.

President Obama is pressing Congress to approve emergency aid money to support economic recovery and help avoid widespread layoffs of public workers, the Washington Post reported Saturday.
Congressional leaders received a letter from the president asking for almost $50 billion for distribution to state and local governments, saying that increased spending is “urgent and unavoidable,” the Post reported. The money would protect the jobs of teachers, police and firefighters.
“Because the urgency is high — many school districts, cities and states are already being forced to make these layoffs,” Obama wrote, “these provisions must be passed as quickly as possible.”
Obama’s plea comes despite last year’s $787 billion economic stimulus package, which worked to stabilize the failing economy [Riiiiiight. — Ed.], but did little to help the country’s high unemployment rate. At 9.7 percent, unemployment is nearly the same as it was a year ago.

What could possibly go wrong? America’s in the best of hands. Our Democrat Congresswoman here in Ohio’s 13th District, Representative Betty Sutton, has been in charge since 2006. It’s been rainbows and unicorns ever since.
Unemployment under ObamaStill, let’s take a look back. Naturally, you completely forgot that $787 billion stimulus that Obama and Congress rammed through last year, didn’t you? It was a spending orgy that was supposed to “create or save” gazillions of jobs. Remember that? It’s the brilliant job-creating scheme that didn’t actually, um, work. Who could’ve seen that one coming? Total shocker.
Here in Ohio, unemployment is much worse than the national average … but that’s not all. There’s still $381 billion of that money lying around unspent, collecting dust in Washington. Why do you suppose Congress isn’t redirecting that money to this new “emergency” instead of extracting another $50 billion from your pocket?
This new plea for another “emergency” bailout demonstrates (again) that there’s no reason to trust the Democrats when they talk about fiscal responsibility. They’re as trustworthy as a drug addict squeezing his relatives for money: “This is the last time I’ll ask. I promise. I’ll check myself into rehab, first thing tomorrow, but just this once I’ve gotta have this fix. It’s an emergency and I’ll die without it. Pinky swear!” If you think this is a one time deal, then there’s some lovely oceanfront property in Death Valley that’s got your name on it.
Congress lives in a strange alternate universe where your money is their money. When the economy’s booming, the Congressional Fantasyland response is to “invest in America” by taxing The Rich™ (people who create wealth and hire you) because they’re easy targets for class warfare rhetoric and the politics of envy. When the economy’s crashing, the Congressional Fantasyland response is to suck more money into Washington so they can spread it around.
Hey, wait a second. Where have we heard that idea before?

It should come as no surprise that Betty Sutton, a big fan of Barack Obama, has the same strategy for healing all that ails us.

Phase One: Throw taxpayer money at problem.
Phase Two: ?
Phase Three: Miraculous results.

Think of it as the Underpants Gnome Theory of Government:
underpants gnomes
Now here’s the kicker. Not only does Betty Sutton genuinely believe that the Underpants Gnomes are worth imitating, she personally benefits from Obama’s new “emergency” $50 billion bailout of public sector unions.

When you hear Betty Sutton bemoaning the plight of teachers, police, and firefighters this week, take it with a grain of salt. Hell, take it with a snow plow full of salt. Betty cares about nothing but their union membership dues, which go straight to her campaign war chest. Look at this breakdown of her receipts:
Betty Sutton's donors
See that monster spike showing campaign contributions from unions (*cough* *SEIU* *cough*)? The public sector unions alone chipped in $161,554 of that $669,200 total. Those aren’t contributions from individual teachers, police, and firefighters; those are transfers of union dues sent by the fat cat union bosses straight to Betty Sutton’s pocket. Look at the chart again. What’s the third largest sector that gives Betty Sutton money? Lawyers. What kind of lawyers? Lawyers representing labor unions. Betty’s a former labor lawyer herself. She knows which side her bread’s buttered on. In her first four years in Congress she’s raked in $906,100 from Big Labor. Imagine what she stands to gain once she has a little more seniority.
So when President Obama’s latest “emergency” bailout sends $50 billion of your taxes to the public sector unions, guess who get a nice fat slice of the action? Might it be someone who suddenly finds her precious “safe seat” in Congress at risk? Could it be someone who desperately needs more campaign cash to hold onto the power that keeps her wealthy and that keeps her benefactors in control of Congress? Might it be someone who’s holding a $5000-a-plate fundraiser today? Betty Sutton, is that you?
Keep this all in mind when you hear Betty Sutton expounding upon the magical future that awaits us, thanks to the Underpants Gnome Theory of Government. Yes, she stands to gain astronomical amounts of power and cash at your expense, but what’s another $50 billion among friends? The sooner this thing passes, the sooner Betty can start collecting that juicy union cash. It’s not going to be the last bailout with your money, but that’s just the price of doing business in the Age of Hope and Change. After all, you can’t put a price on that warm fuzzy feeling you get when you vote for a Democrat … especially a great gal like Betty Sutton who caaaares about us suckers peons little people loyal constituents. She and her fellow Underpants Gnomes get to dine on the fruits of our labor, and we get this:
Betty Sutton
What a bargain.

11:15 Update: Hello, Sutton staffers! How’s your Monday going?