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The Kerry Lexicon, Volume III

Volume I and Volume II were pretty comprehensive, but Waffles just keeps giving me new material. Here goes Volume III of the Kerry Lexicon … translating Democrat Newspeak in the public interest.

What Waffles Says:
What Waffles Means:
“I’m still reviewing the issue.” “I’ve realized you’re paying attention to my record. Stop it!”
“We should not be opening firehouses in Baghdad and shutting them in the United States of America.” “I’ll hike taxes and domestic spending while cutting the defense budget, and I’ll restrict our military operations to UN-approved interventions where America has no national interest at stake.”
“It will not be like Vietnam. I will get our troops home from Iraq with honor and with the interests of our country entirely protected.” “Run away! Run awaaaaaay!”
“I’m not going to tell you we won’t shift deployments from one place to another, but we’re not going to be engaged in an active kind of death zone the way we are today.” “We’re tucking tail and running as soon as possible. My version of war will involve cruise missiles and smart bombs from 15,000 feet, and no boots on the ground. Hey, it did wonders in Kosovo, right?”
“We deserve a president of the United States who doesn’t make homeland security a photo opportunity and the rhetoric of a campaign.” “Vote Bush.”
“We deserve a president who puts American taxpayer dollars where the need is, not just where the ideology wants it to go.” “Vote Bush.”
“We deserve a president who makes America safer.” “Vote Bush.”
“If you elect me president of the United States, I will give us a foreign policy that absolutely makes it unnecessary to have a draft in this nation.” “If you elect me president of the United States, we’ll all be dhimmis.”
“I believe I could sit down with foreign leaders at a level of trust that would allow us to begin an entirely new dialogue.” “I will osculate posteriors all over the UN.”
“We believe it is right to start the general election on the same day as our opponents, and we will continue to explore every possible way to level the playing field against the Republicans’ five-week advantage.” “We screwed up when we scheduled our convention, so we’re gonna sue our way to victory like Al Gore did.”
“We also believe it is right to accept the nomination in Boston, and are looking forward to it with excitement, energy and enthusiasm.” “Teddy took me behind the woodshed when he found out about my accept-it-later idea.”
“On Thursday, July 29, with great pride, I will accept my party’s nomination for president in the city of Boston.” “McAuliffe, you scheduling moron, you are GONE.”
“I intend to rely on the grass-roots army which has already brought us so far beyond anyone’s expectations” “Howard, please help. Yeeeeeeargh!”
“It’s important to stay the course but if the course you’re on is the wrong course and it’s heading for the shoals, it’s pretty smart to turn the rudder and change course. Staying the course is one thing, but if it’s the wrong course, it’s not a sign of strength, it’s a sign of reckless stubbornness.” “Somebody cut to a commercial or something. I’ve lost my place.”
“From the moment I take office, I will stand up to the special interests and stand with hardworking families so that we can give America back its future and its ideals.” “Until I take office, feel free to write me nice, fat checks.”