If you still aren’t paying serious attention to politics this late in the game, do everyone a favor this November 6th.
You’re not competent enough to make an informed decision either way, whether you’re a Republican, a Democrat, or an independent. You can no more make an informed decision on who should run the country than you could make wise financial decisions with a ouija board. You will vote with emotion instead of reason, swayed by bumper stickers, three-word slogans, lying ads, and screaming TV pundits. You deserve a voice on national policy like I deserve a voice in any NFL team’s play-calling, or like your drunk Uncle Hugo deserves to sit at the controls of a passenger airliner.
Sit this one out. Do whatever it is that occupies your time, but don’t get involved in how your government impacts your neighbors’ lives. You don’t know enough about what’s at stake to choose intelligently between the options presented.
Want to vote? Then you have obligations to meet first. Shut up. Listen. Learn. Turn off the latest episode of The Jersey Shore, put down your copy of People Magazine, and stop wasting time on TMZ.com. Learn how to spot bullshit by understanding logical fallacies, the most common propaganda/advertising techniques, and the standard statistical trickery pushed by politicians and the media. Memorize who your representatives are (find your Zip+4 and use it to search for your politicians here). Read the Declaration of Independence, the U.S. Constitution, and their competitors. Get a basic grasp of world & US history. Get comfortable with all of that, and then keep up with political news for at least a year.
Pull your head out of your ass before you presume to push the government in one direction or another, because this isn’t some game. You’re not choosing the next American Idol. Your choices profoundly affect the liberty and livelihood of everyone around you, including those who’ve done the right thing by taking the time to get informed. This election will determine whether America survives as a representative republic or slides into the soft tyranny experienced by most of the rest of the world. There isn’t enough time before Election Day for you to get up to speed anymore, if you aren’t there already. So swallow your precious pride, quietly admit to yourself that you’ve neglected to do your civic duty, and skip this election.
If you do cast a vote anyway, even though you can’t be bothered to “follow all of that boring political stuff,” then don’t tell me about it.
Because I’m going to punch you in the mouth the next time you come within arm’s reach, you arrogant and recklessly destructive twit.