Volume I just wasn't enough. As a public service, the Kerry Lexicon expands today to include other examples of Kerryspeak you'll hear in the upcoming debates.
 What Waffles Says: |
 What Waffles Means: |
|---|---|
| "The use of force must be combined with a diplomatic strategy that will work." | "When confronted by an enemy, I'll yammer and posture and bloviate until they die laughing." |
| "We must remove the Made in America label from the Iraqi occupation." | "The label we need is Nous nous rendons! Veuillez ne pas nous blesser." |
| "I'll pre-empt where necessary." | "I'll pre-emptively attack another nation when monkeys fly out of my butt." |
| "My plan calls for no new spending without cutbacks to pay for that spending." | "Hey, Armed Forces: you warmongering devils can do without shoes for a year or two, right?" |
| "I think government needs to fulfill a duty to help people succeed." | "Hands up. Now hand over your wallet. Slowly." |
| "I will stand up to the special interests and stand with hardworking families so that we can give America back its future and its ideals." | "Hey, Soros: I'm yours, cheap!" |
| "I will stand with hardworking families so that we can give America back its future and its ideals." | "Let's go back to the Naughty Nineties! Bring me chubby interns!" |
| "As president, I will put American government and our legal system back on the side of women." | "I'll use your tax dollars to pay for abortion-on-demand, and I'll only appoint judges who genuflect toward icons of Harry Blackmun." |
| "George Bush owes America an explanation about whether or not he showed up for duty in the National Guard." | "Stop dissecting the flip-flops I've made on my military career and my voting record on defense." |
| "They [ABC News] are doing the work of the Republican National Committee." | "I dissed Charlie Gibson and he nailed me to the wall." |
| "In the end, America is safer and stronger when it is respected around the world, not feared." | "I'll grovel before our enemies in the hope that they'll attack us last." |
| "... drastic Republican cuts in Medicare and Medicaid and the Earned Income Tax Credit." | "... Republican increases in Medicare and Medicaid and the Earned Income Tax Credit that didn't reach the criminally irresponsponsible levels I wanted." |
| "So much of what I know about being an American I learned in Vietnam. I didn't have to go, but the tug of duty and country compelled me." | "I needed a wartime PT boat story to measure up to the first JFK." |
| "I will cut waste and abuse out of our health care system by giving incentives for smarter more efficient systems." | "I'll shuffle money from one bureaucracy to another." |
| "My education plan will invest more in our public schools and expect more from them in return." | "I'll bloat the Department of Education so fast that Teddy Kennedy will call for restraint, and I'll tell the teachers' unions to put out a press release calling for nebulous standards that we'll never enforce." |
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UPDATE: Volume III is up
